August 5, 2006
Absentmindedness is a condition most Baby Boomers know well.
The American Heritage Dictionary defines absentminded as one who is deep in thought and heedless of present circumstances or is preoccupied. An absentminded person might be so lost in thought that they are unaware of their surroundings.
In other words, we absentminded are a million miles away.
I can relate to that.
Just last week, my absentmindedness landed me in a bit of trouble.
On this particular day in question, I was lost in thought about something, but I have absolutely no idea what.
Does not matter much I guess because it is the act of not paying attention that landed me in difficulty.
I think I may have had this very same conversation with my kids, say a few thousand times!
I am publicly blaming my dilemma on aging brain cells; although I am not too certain many people are listening.
Here is what happened.
Within the span of 15 minutes I absent-mindedly dropped my nearly new cell phone into the toilet. Next, I drove to the nearest ATM machine and waited too long to pull my debit card out watching in horror as that carnivorous ATM sucked my card back in and presumably ate it.
I can mentally write off the debit card incident because I was discombobulated and preoccupied at the thought of ruining my cell phone.
But how can I explain the toilet?
Embarrassed at the idea of dropping my phone in the toilet, I told everyone it accidentally fell off the sink, but truth will out.
The reason I did not tell the complete truth was because I abhor the idea of folks talking to me on their phones while there are tinkling into the toilet. Did not want them to think I did.
Why do they do that anyway?
They usually explain that the water one hears running in the background is from washing the dishes in the sink, but no one buys that story.
Likewise, I pretended that my phone fell off the lavatory, but the truth was that it slid off the top of the toilet tank.
Kersplash!
When I finally got up enough courage to mention the God’s truth of all this to my sister, she “one upped” me.
“I’ve got a story better than that, “she said.
Isn’t that always like a sibling?
“OK, so what’s your story,” I asked abjectedly.
Seems as though sister Pat pulled off what may have been the biggest absent-minded blunder and subsequent save from the universe that I have ever known.
Pat was in Chicago working as a consultant. She drove from the work place to her hotel one evening after an especially trying day. Pat stopped at a grocery store for food to enjoy quietly in her hotel room. Leaving her purse in the car, she took her billfold inside. When she returned, she threw the billfold in the seat thinking she would put it in her purse later.
It was a pleasant day, so Pat decided to roll her windows part way down as she drove back.
I am assuming you are remembering the Chicago part--big city, not the country, watch your backside part.
Now, I am getting worried listening to her story.
As she parked the car, Pat grabbed her sack of food, recalled that her laptop was on the backseat, and decided to store it safely in the trunk over night. After all, she was just too tired to carry it.
At this point, I am thinking the only way this story can end will be in a robbery or mugging.
Nope, not for Pat. She always lands on her feet.
Next morning, Pat walks down to her car in the hotel parking lot ready for work. She notices that her car windows are partially down.
“That’s odd,” she thinks.
As she gets in her car, she sees her billfold still on the seat from last night. She was so tired she apparently forgot to put it in her purse and forgot to roll up the windows. The billfold, of course, contained her ID, credit cards, and cash.
Then, a horrible thought crossed her mind. Was her laptop still in the trunk?
Upon inspection, Pat discovered that the trunk had not completely closed the night before. Anyone could have opened it easily.
Yet, the laptop was there, too.
So, in the City of Chicago, Pat left her billfold on the car seat with the windows open and her laptop in an unlocked trunk.
I was about to award her the absent-minded Baby Boomer of the year award when I remembered the movie The Absent-Minded Waiter. Steve Martin who played the waiter has Pat beat hands down.
The movie plot was this: a husband took his wife to a very fancy restaurant so she could see, according to her husband, the world’s most absent-minded waiter. Steve, the waiter, made many mistakes and ruined their dinner with all his messy mishaps. The wife was furious that she paid a babysitter and got all dressed up for this. While she was fuming, the preoccupied waiter returned with their change, $10,000!
Steve wins!
